


make it up and start it over

by whatamidoingeven



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 03:25:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11477622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatamidoingeven/pseuds/whatamidoingeven
Summary: Ann plays Makoto her favorite American artist, and reflects.





	make it up and start it over

“There’s actually two parts to this- that was the main album, and this is the B-side, but I promise it’s just as good!”

Makoto nodded, sitting still on the floor of Ann’s bedroom. It was surprising how little she had reacted to this point- Yusuke had practically cried when Ann played this artist for him, but then again, that was Yusuke. Makoto was a little different.

“This song is one of my favorites.” Ann explained as she queued up the first track on her laptop and pressed play before she plopped back into her spot next to Makoto, who shifted a little despite the space Ann had intentionally left between them.

The track began almost [like an old tape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O2MwqMWOAg) before a strong pop beat and quick lyrics kicked in.

_Catching tears like raindrops here in the glass_

_Keep them safe in case you should ever ask_

_Or if you'd like, we don't need to talk about it_

_I don't care_

Ann tried to be subtle about the staring, really, but of course she was playing this for Makoto, and it would only be natural to want to see how she’d react to it, right? It was hard to read the expression on her face, though, no matter how many times Ann had done so before. There was concentration, but she couldn’t be sure if it was because Makoto was trying to translate the lyrics or because she was trying as hard as she could to just deal with the noise.

Ann went with the former.

_I will wait right here by my windowsill_

_For the sun to come, if it ever will_

_Everyone says I can never get my fill but I don't care_

There _were_ things Ann had noticed since Makoto had showed up, though- mostly that she looked extremely tired. Probably due to stress from balancing her college courses and keeping up her physical fitness, but Ann couldn’t remember a time that she’d ever looked so...exhausted, even with school, even with the Phantom Thieves, even in private.

Ann practically had a mental library of memories of how Makoto looked at given points, and it was easy to tell the difference when she compared the Makoto sitting next to her now to the one that had first awakened to her persona, the one that went out for crepes with her, the one she had shared her first kiss with.

_We won't get too sentimental, not tonight_

_I could meet you in the middle, we won't fight_

Still, it was nice to have Makoto around, even if she wasn’t feeling particularly cheery or talkative. No one else had seen her very recently, after all.

_'Cause when my heart breaks_

_It always feels like the first time, first time_

Makoto was busy, or at least, she appeared to be. Her packed schedule really _had_ interfered with her life-it wasn’t just a hypothetical scenario anymore, despite Ann’s best efforts to convince Makoto it would be the last time they had hung out in any meaningful way. Now it was real, now it was just a fact.

The affirmation was less relieving than Ann had hoped it would be.

_But if you stay here_

_We could kiss away the goodbye, goodbye_

It was hard to believe Makoto had actually agreed to come over, especially after Ann had told her that none of the others would be around. That usually tended to be a dealbreaker for Makoto, and honestly, Ann had avoided one-on-one hangouts, too.

And now that Ann was staring, she realized why. Even though she was exhausted, Makoto was still beautiful, striking in the way she looked, framed by the light of the sunset that filtered in through Ann’s bedroom window.

_Through all the heartbreak_

_We'll make it feel like the first time, first time_

_And if you stay here_

_We could kiss away the goodbye, goodbye_

This was dangerous, though not unexpected. There had been several points when they were together that Ann became convinced that they would always be, where it felt like new and young love and like there couldn’t possibly be anything to break them apart.

Sure, it was all make-believe, wishful thinking, but it was happy. Who wouldn’t want to feel like that again?

_Looking back, I followed you everywhere_

_We were kids just playing with truth and dare_

_No_ , Ann snapped out of it. That train of thought would get her nowhere. She knew better. It was _immature_ and _selfish_ to think that way, to set aside the goals they were both working towards to pursue some _silly high school relationship_ , Ann could hear the words in Makoto’s voice from back then, all steel and sharp edges.

No, they had to grow up. No, _Ann_ had to grow up.

_Let’s be honest_

_No one else can take me there, but I don't care_

Nothing Ann dreamt about or wished for or even prayed for would change reality, as much as that hurt. It had been a year and a half and she still wrestled with that fact, still spent too much time thinking and wondering about a part of her future that wouldn’t happen, and it was a huge waste of time but really, what else could she do? Just getting over it was always easier said than done.

She felt the edges of her eyes burn, but quickly rubbed at them. Not now. Makoto was here and she was hanging out with her in person for the first time in months and that was something to be celebrated, not something for Ann to ruin with her blubbering.

Still, that line of thought kind of took the steam out of enjoying the rest of the song. The repeated chorus and bridge flew by and Ann didn’t even notice until silence filled the room again.

She went to play the next track before she heard Makoto mumble.

“Hm? Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Ann asked, and tried to inject her voice with some cheer as she smiled at the older girl at her side.

“I said, aren’t you going to tell me what it means?” Makoto asked, her voice small and shaky. Oh, right, the lyrics were in English, and Ann had been doing loose translations for the rest of the songs up till now.

“Um....” Ann tapped her fingers on her laptop, and weighed her choice of words carefully; because she could recite each lyric in flawless Japanese, could explain why every line made her feel the way it did and why the song resonated with her so deeply, how it made her think about their past together and how badly she wanted to give everything another chance and how she really, really missed Makoto, even grumpy Makoto, even when they argued, and how neither of them could come up with a good enough answer for why they threw away something so important to them both.

“...It’s just a silly love song, you know? First time love and all that.”

“I see.” Makoto responded, unconvinced.  

**Author's Note:**

> this was based on an idea by Sai where 'Ann introduces Makoto to CRJ and translates lyrics for her'. somehow I took that idea and went from that to This.


End file.
